rants

So many of you have been asking about this song since I started playing it that I decided to go ahead and put it on the web site, for anyone else who might like to learn it. I didn't write this one: I got it from the latest means of spreading the folk tradition--the Internet. This is truly a folk song for our time.

The New (Concentration) Camp Song
The George W Fight Song!

If you're happy and you know it, bomb Iraq (clap clap)
If you're happy and you know it, bomb Iraq (clap clap)
If you're happy and you know it, and you really want to show it
If you're happy and you know it, bomb Iraq

If your equities are falling, bomb Iraq
If your equities are falling, bomb Iraq
If your equities are falling, and your losses are appalling
If your equities are falling, bomb Iraq.

If the GDP is shrinking, bomb Iraq,
....And W's back to drinking,
If the GDP is shrinking, bomb Iraq,

If the talk has turned to Harken, bomb Iraq,
....and that Krugman-dawg is barkin',
If the talk has turned to Harken, bomb Iraq!

Are they checking Halliburton? Bomb Iraq
....And for Cheney jail looks certain
If they're checking Halliburton, bomb Iraq

If your brother is a turkey, bomb Iraq
.....And Florida's goin' bazerk-y
If your brother is a turkey, bomb Iraq

If the Canadians call you "moron," bomb Iraq
....Then it's time to get your war on
If the Canadians call you "moron," bomb Iraq

If Noelle gets caught with crack...bomb Iraq
....and the twins drop booze for smack
If Noelle gets caught with crack...bomb Iraq

To divert public attention bomb Iraq
....From the doings of your henchmen
To divert public attention bomb Iraq

To get drilling in the Artic, bomb Iraq, ....
You can run us out of oil, With the Middle East aboil,
To get drilling in the Artic, bomb Iraq.

Post 9/11 Airport Security: here's a true story that should make you feel better than ever about your safety--

I don't know if y'all know about those CD wrapper openers that they give you at music conferences like the Folk Alliance, but inside of every one of them is a single-edged razor blade. Please, heed this warning: if you have one of these handy-dandy tools, whatever you do, DON'T just forget about it and end up leaving it in your carryon luggage.

I found this out yesterday at BWI Airport (Baltimore), where security personnel made me crack open my favorite hot pink CD wrapper opener (which unbeknownst to me, was hiding inside my backpack), and where, upon finding the razor blade, they immediately took it.

That should make us all breathe easier, right?

Well, not only did this item get past airport security in New Orleans, but security at both airports let me keep my flathead screwdriver, which was also hidden inside my backpack.

Now, far be it from me to give the terrorists ideas, it does occur to me that I could threaten somebody just as easily with a screwdriver as I could a plastic CD opener with a razor blade in it--which I didn't even know or care was in there till yesterday. I guess I should have figured out that those tools have to get those CDs open some kinda way. Duh. Go figure.

Well, they took out the blade, but they let me keep the hot pink plastic shell. Maybe I'll try putting another razor blade in it at some point, and see if I can accidentally sneak it past security again.

Corporate Ethics
Compact SUV
Good Disco

Got any ideas for new oxymorons? Send them to me at gina@ginaforsyth.com, or post them in the guestbook. The only rule is that I get to decide which ones to use.

I want to thank the U.S. Supreme Court for helping me out with this idea that I've been having in my head for years: by deciding that cops don't have to read people's rights on public transportation, the Supreme Court gave me a new twist on what to do with this one:

Chicago Homesick Blues (I) -- to the US Supreme Court

Tune: London Homesick Blues (apologies to Gary P. Nunn)

Well now I know all about
How the City of Big Shoulders
Got that nickname
Did you ever try hauling
A 30-pound piece of luggage
On board the El Train?

Well I have, but otherwise
It's a real fun trip
You can go to the Loop
Or to the zoo
And see the pandas

But the Supreme Court
Says if you're on board
You can forget all about Miranda

I wanna go home with the alligators
Chomp my ass and see ya later
And take my name
To the seven old men and two old women
It's all the same

Me and my luggage
We left O'Hare
On the Blue Line for the North Side
But when I got on
I wanted to run
I got so scared that I cried

Cause all on board
From the men in blue
To the women too
Were you could say muscularly gifted

Then the police said they had to search my bag
I said "Fine, if you can lift it."

If I hear another operatic singer do "God Bless America" one more time, I'm either going to break out into "This Land is Your Land" or smash my guitar on somebody's head.

Please...don't let me go postal...please do a different song...

...or, if you really must hear something patriotic, by all means, go out and find Martin Sexton's version of "America the Beautiful." It's on Martin's CD from a couple of years ago, Black Sheep. It's a capella, and it's as beautiful a version of this song as any I've ever heard, from one of the finest voices of our time. The rest of the CD is great, too.

...and, to the seemingly endless stream of red, white, and...uh, green (as in money—we all gotta do our part to prop up the economy, now) around us here are a few of my thoughts on...

How You Can Whup the Terrorists At Home

An eye for an eye!
A tooth for a tooth!

Today, I sit at home
With one eye on the TV—

I lost the other eye—

But, with my one good eye
I sit and watch the world
Go blind and toothless
Right before my very...eye

And, right before my very...eye...I...
See commercials
Waving flags and saying
"Beat the rush!
Hate Bin Laden early—
And GET YOUR DENTURES NOW!!!!"

(And be sure to buy plenty of stock in PolyDent
While stock prices are still low!)

"And NOW—for a limited time only,
Special ZERO PERCENT financing on SUVs, and on ALL
Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder Seeing-Eye Dogs—
They lost it sniffing through the rubble at the World Trade Center,
But they can still lead the blind!"

Me, I've made up my mind—
I'm gonna go get my
Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder Seeing-Eye Dog now—
While I still have one good eye

On a more serious and somber now, it does appear that everyone I know seems to know someone who knows someone who's among the missing. I certainly do—Jeff Hardy, the brother of one of my Kerrville cohorts, Jack Hardy, was a chef at the World Trade Center, and is now among the missing. Please remember Jack in your thoughts. He really needs them now.